Time for Silence Page 26
“And you don’t, do you? It is just because he doesn’t want his papers moved about, you know.”
“I never touch papers. Besides, I thought they were all locked away.”
“Oh, yes, they are, I believe. But let me have the key.”
“I’ll get it for you.”
“Where do you keep it?”
“In the dresser drawer…right at the back of the cloths and things. It’s well hidden away there.”
She went to the drawer and produced the key, which I took from her.
“Mrs. Cherry, shall I keep the key?”
“Well, there’s times when I have to go in to clean.”
“You could ask me for it then, and I’d come and help you with the room.”
“You, Miss Lucinda!”
“I used to do all sorts of things at Marchlands. The hospital, you know. There’s not much for me to do here. I’d enjoy it. We could have a little chat while we worked.”
“Well, miss, I don’t right know what to say. Your father did tell me…”
“I’ll explain everything to him. I’ll keep the key and when you want it…just let me know.”
“Well, if that’s all right with you…”
“I think it will be. Let’s try it, shall we? I don’t like having too little to do.”
I put the key in my pocket. I thought, I shall always keep it with me. I went to my room telling myself I had managed that rather cleverly.
Alone in my room, I took out the key and looked at it. Things could fall out of pockets. I found a strong gold chain and hung it around my neck, tucking it down the bodice of my dress. There it would be safe.
When I told my father what I had done, he was clearly pleased.
“I shall feel much happier now,” he said. “And if anything else happens, we shall have to consider whether someone has a key to the room besides ourselves.”
“How could anyone come by that?”
“If they had stolen it from Mrs. Cherry, they might have had another made.”
“Wouldn’t they have to keep it some time to do that?”
“Not very long, I suppose.”
“She would have missed it. She was certainly worried about having it and was glad to pass it over to me. I shall see that no one goes into that room without my knowing.”
“It’s a comfort to have you here, Lucinda.”
I was susceptible to every sound in the house. I was sleeping lightly. Often a creaking floorboard would awaken me. I would imagine I heard someone creeping down the stairs…the sound of a key in a lock. Then I would feel for the key which I kept around my neck, even in bed. I realized that I was oversensitive. But there was a night when I thought I heard noises. I put on my dressing gown and went down to the study. I turned the door handle. The door was locked. I stood there listening.
Then someone called. “Oh…it’s you, Lucinda.”
I looked up. Andrée was leaning over the banisters.
“Is everything all right?” she asked.
“Yes. I thought I heard someone down here.”
“False alarm?” said Andrée.
“I’m sorry I disturbed you.”
“I’m a light sleeper…particularly since I’ve been looking after Edward. The least sound and I’m awake….”
“I must be the same. It’s chilly here. We mustn’t get chilled. Good night.”
I went into my room and shut the door. How foolish I was! Yet, on the other hand, if someone had been there, I should have caught him…or her. I had to be on the alert.
Spring would soon be with us. There was a certain hope in the air. We were forcing the enemy back with some success. The battle for the Somme had started and the fighting was fierce. Robert was constantly in my thoughts and I was tortured by speculations of what was happening out there. There was not much news, but the German successes which had occurred in the beginning were definitely halted. People were saying that we were winning the war of the U-boats and it would not be long before we were triumphant on land.
Frequently I saw Annabelinda. I had been to look at two houses with her. I told her I did not know why she wanted my opinion, because she never took any notice of it. She retorted that she knew exactly what she was looking for. It had to be something more splendid and grand than anything anyone else could have. I told her she would never find perfection, but she believed she would. However, I did find looking at houses a fascinating experience. I liked to explore the rooms, imagining all the people who had lived in them, while she was calculating how impressive those rooms could be made to look.
One day at the beginning of April she came to the house and I could see that she was not her usual exuberant self.
At last we were alone in my room and she burst out, “Lucinda, I’m worried.”
“I thought something was wrong.”
“Is it so obvious?”
“To me…yes. But then I know you so well.”
“I’ve had a note,” she said.
“A note? From whom?”
“From Carl.”
“You mean, Carl?…Carl Zimmerman?”
She nodded.
“And it has upset you, of course.”
“He wants to see me.”
“You won’t see him, will you?”
“It’s difficult.”
“Why? And what is he doing in England?”
“He was attached to the Swiss Embassy.”
“But I thought he’d gone from there and that was why he was able to work as a gardener at La Pinière.”
“He must have sorted that out. Anyway, he’s in England.”
“How did he get here?”
“I expect he is back in the embassy.”
“What does he want?”
“To see me.”
“Does he know…about Edward?”
“How could he?”
“He is his father. Perhaps it is about Edward that he wants to see you.”
I felt alarmed. What if he wanted to take Edward away?
“He wants to see me,” she said. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Why don’t you tell Marcus?”
“Tell Marcus!”
“Why don’t you tell him everything?”
“How could I?”
“Just tell him…that’s all.”
“How ridiculous! Of course I couldn’t tell him.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“I don’t want to see Carl. I don’t want ever to see him again.”
“Well, don’t answer the note.”
“But he knows the address. Though how he got it, I can’t imagine. He’ll write again.”
“Then write and tell him you can’t see him.”
“Well…”
“Well what?”
“That note he wrote…it doesn’t sound as though he will take no for an answer.”
“As long as he doesn’t know he has a son…”
“You would bring that up!”
“It’s rather a salient point, isn’t it? It’s the only thing you need worry about. If he doesn’t know about Edward, all you have to say is, I don’t want to see you again. I’m a happily married woman, no longer a romantic schoolgirl. Good-bye.’ ”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Other people’s problems always seem simpler than one’s own. But it does seem a clear case to me. All you have to do is tell him you don’t want to see him.”
“It’s the way he writes. It’s almost like a threat. I’ve got to go and see him. I think he is still in love with me.”
“It might be blackmail.”
“What do you mean?”
“He may be desperate. What was he doing working as a gardener? Really, Annabelinda, the best thing you can do is tell Marcus everything. Then you will have nothing to fear.”
“How could I tell him!”
“I’m sure he would understand.” I thought of Miss Emma Johns and Janet. How could he judge Annabelinda harshly bec
ause she had taken a lover before marriage? He was, of course, what is called a man of the world. I guessed his emotions had not been deeply involved with Janet. So…surely he would understand.
“And then,” she went on, “what about Edward? Isn’t this awful bad luck? All this to come up now I am so happy, and everything is going perfectly.”
“One’s actions do have an effect on one’s life and one cannot be sure that the consequences will make themselves felt only at convenient moments.”
“Stop moralizing! What am I going to do?”
“If you are asking my advice, I would say go to him and explain. If he makes a nuisance of himself, then there is only one thing to be done, and that is tell Marcus.”
“It’s not only Marcus…it’s his family. Just suppose Carl went to them.”
“How would he know about them?”
“How did he know my address? Oh, it was all so wonderful…and now this.”
“Go and see him, Annabelinda. Explain that you are now happily married. He can’t possibly know that there was a child.”
“You’ve never betrayed me, Lucinda.”
“Of course I haven’t.”
“You might have done…” She looked at me tearfully and flung herself at me. “Oh, you are a good friend, Lucinda, and I’m not always good to you. Why do you put up with me?”
I heard myself laugh. “I don’t rightly know,” I said. “But you are Annabelinda, the intimate and tormentor of my youth. I’d always do what I could to help.”
“I don’t deserve it, Lucinda. I really don’t.”
Such an admission really disturbed me. Poor Annabelinda! I had rarely seen her so frightened. The only other time was when I had told her I knew about her indiscretion and Edward’s birth.
I truly wished that I could help her, but there was nothing I could do but advise her, and who could say that my advice was any use?
“Do go and see Carl Zimmerman,” I said. “Explain how you are placed now. Tell him it is finished between you, and say good-bye. If he’s a decent, honorable man, he’ll disappear and won’t bother you again.”
“All right, Lucinda. I’ll do that. I’ll go and tell him.”
I heard nothing from her for several days, and I was growing anxious.
I called at the house.
The parlormaid said that Mrs. Merrivale was resting and asked if she should tell her that I was calling.
I was amazed when the maid returned and told me that Mrs. Merrivale had a headache and was sorry she could not see even me. She would be in touch with me and she was sure that she would have recovered by the next day.
I guessed something was very wrong. It was unlike Annabelinda not to want to talk about her troubles, so I guessed she was very worried indeed.
I returned to the house. Andrée was sitting in the garden with Edward. The London garden was a square patio at the back of the house in which a few flowering shrubs were now beginning to show signs of spring blossoms.
Edward was reading aloud to Andrée in a halting fashion.
“Hello,” said Andrée. “How is Mrs. Merrivale?”
“How did you know I was going to see her?”
“You said you were.”
“Oh, did I? I didn’t see her actually. She isn’t well.”
Andrée smiled. “Do you think…?” She nodded toward Edward.
Pregnant? I thought. It was a possibility, but I thought it was more likely something to do with Carl Zimmerman.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I couldn’t say. She had a bad headache.”
“I suppose she leads rather a busy life, with all the people in military circles she has to see.”
“Perhaps.”
I sat there while Edward went on reading. I was thinking of Annabelinda and Carl Zimmerman. What a big part he had played in our lives, and yet I had seen him so rarely.
I remembered the first time, outside the cubbyhole when he had lost his way. And there was the amazement at seeing him working in the gardens at La Pinière, and lastly in Epping Forest with Andrée.
I said on impulse, “Andrée, do you remember that man in Epping Forest…the fair-haired one who asked the way?”
She looked puzzled.
“You remember…you were with Edward and I met you there.”
“I can recall several people who asked me the way while I was there.”
“This was not long ago.”
“Oh…I vaguely remember. Why? What was so special about him?”
“I just wondered what he said? Did he just ask the way, or any questions…about us…or Mrs. Merrivale? I think Major Merrivale might have been in the hospital at the time…though I’m not sure.”
Andrée continued to look puzzled.
“Questions?” she said. “I don’t remember anyone’s asking questions but the way. Why?”
I thought to myself, I’m being rather foolish, and I said quickly, “Oh…it’s of no importance…no importance at all.”
Annabelinda came to see me the following day. I noticed at once that there was a feverish excitement about her. I thought, Andrée is right; she must be pregnant.
I was in the garden once more with Andrée and Edward. We were playing Edward’s favorite game of the moment, “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with a…” and then the first letter of the object, only Edward was not quite sure of the alphabet just yet, so we used phonetics. “Something beginning with a ‘der’ or a ‘sha’ or ‘ber.’ ”
Edward was saying, “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with a ‘ter.’ ”
We pretended to ponder before one of us suggested it might be the tree…when Annabelinda appeared.
“Oh, hello, Lucinda,” she said rather too heartily. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I really did have the most awful head.”
“Oh, I quite understand.”
“But I did turn you away.”
“That’s all right. You’re better today, I hope.”
“I’m fine.”
Edward said rather reprovingly, “We’re playing ‘I spy.’ ”
“What fun,” said Annabelinda absentmindedly.
“It was something beginning with a ‘fler,’ ” went on Edward.
I looked at Andrée and smiled. We should have to devote ourselves to Annabelinda now that she had arrived. So we brought the game to a timely end by saying the answer must be a flower.
“Yes,” cried Edward, delighted.
“Well, we’ll play again later,” I said. And to Annabelinda, “Why don’t you sit down?” I made way for her on the wicker seat.
“I’ve found the most marvelous house,” said Annabelinda. “You must come with me to see it.”
“Where is it?”
“In Beconsdale Square.”
“Where’s that?”
“Not far from here. I’ve got the cutting. Listen: ‘Country mansion in the heart of London.’ Doesn’t that sound nice?”
“I can’t imagine a country mansion here.”
“That’s because you don’t use your imagination.”
“ ‘Beconsdale Square, Westminster,’ ” Annabelinda went on reading. “ ‘In a quiet London square, large family house built circa 1830. Drive in, garden of about half an acre. Large drawing room, suitable for entertaining, eight bedrooms, four large reception rooms, spacious servants’ quarters…’ Then it goes on for a bit. It sounds just right. I like the sound of the drive in. It sets it apart. I have a feeling that this is the one. I shall go to see the agents and make an appointment to see it. Promise me you’ll come with me, Lucinda.”
“Of course. I’m all agog.”
“I’ll let you know when.”
She was silent for a while. She was sitting still and rather tense.
“Do you feel all right, Annabelinda?” I asked.
“I’m just feeling…not very well. I wonder if I could go and lie down for a while?”
“Of course. Come on.”
I went into the house with her.
“Oh, thank you, Lucinda.”
When we were there, she took off her coat, kicked off her shoes and lay on the bed.
“Annabelinda,” I said. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”
She shook her head. “Just…not very well.”
“Is it…Carl?”
“Oh, no, no. I’m settling that.”
“You’ve seen him then? You’ve told him that you can’t see him anymore?”
“Yes, I’ve seen him. It’s just that…”
“Do you feel sick?”
She nodded.
“Are you…pregnant?”
“It…it could be.”
“Well then, rest a little. It’ll soon pass. I’ll stay with you.”
“No…no, Lucinda. You go back to the garden. I’ll be all right. I feel I just want to be quiet…alone. It’ll pass, I know.”
“All right. If there’s anything you want, just ring. Meg will come up.”
“Oh, thank you, Lucinda. I’d feel better if you went back to the garden and there was no fuss. I’ll feel better, I know I shall. It doesn’t take long for this to pass.”
“So you’ve had it before?”
“Once or twice. I hope it’s not going to be a regular thing.”
“It’s only in the first weeks, I’ve heard.”
“Thank you, Lucinda.”
I went out and rejoined Andrée and Edward in the garden. We must have been there for about half an hour when Annabelinda came out.
She looked better, relieved, I thought.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m all right now.”
“You look flushed.”
“Do I?”
“Well, you’re all right. That’s the main thing.”
“Yes. I’m all right now. I’m sorry it happened.”
“Never mind. Tell us about the house.”
“It really seems that this will be it,” she said.
“Annabelinda! All you’ve seen is this advertisement.”
“I have a feeling in my bones.”
“What does the major say about it?” asked Andrée.
“Oh, he doesn’t know. I want to find the house and then take him along and show him how wonderful it is. It seems just right. Secluded. It’s not easy to be secluded in London. It will be wonderful for entertaining. The war must be over one day. It can’t go on forever. Then this will be just what we need.”